Radiant Hope

Or at least that is how we used to describe little girls. Nowadays it seems this message is countercultural. The feminist movement is all about empowering women and breaking the glass ceiling. The mantra “anything you can do, I can do better” runs rampant throughout our culture. Recently through a study on Biblical womanhood, I have been really challenged in my thinking in regards to not only womanhood, but also manhood. What was God’s design for men and women? Does gender really matter?

I believe gender does matter.  John Piper says, “True womanhood is a distinctive calling of God to display the glory of His son in ways that would be not displayed if there were no womanhood.”  God created gender to display specific parts of His character.  One without the other is incomplete.  God created men to reflect the strength, love and self-sacrifice of Christ and women were created to reflect the responsiveness, grace and beauty of the bride He redeemed.  Our gender has very little to do with us and everything to do with Jesus.  We were all created in His Image.  We are to glorify God and glorifying God means to illuminate Him and make Him known.  We glorify God through our gender.

What is at the core of what it means to be a man?  God hard-wired men for work and to provide for his family (Genesis 2:15).  God also created men to be protectors and defend.  Men are designed to nourish and cherish. In other words, they are designed to support, sustain and supply spiritual needs of those under their care (Ephesians 5:28-29).  Exercising spiritual oversight and Godly leadership are at the core of what it means to be a man.  John Piper defines masculinity this way, “At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for and protect women in ways appropriate to a man’s differing relationships.”

As women, we need to realize it is not our job to make Godly men, it is God’s job.  One of the most important thing we can do for the men in our lives, is to pray for them.  Women need to know and be reminded that men need to feel respected as much as women need to feel loved.  It is not a competition for which gender is better. God created us to be interdependent with one another, not independent.

As I went through this study on Biblical womanhood, I have learned so much about how God created each gender.  I am continually blown away at how awesome, creative and detailed God is, he leaves nothing out!  Some things I learned about the male brain and female brain are just fascinating!  The male brain is actually larger than the female brain, however, women have 4 times as many neurons connecting the right and left sides.  Men tend to process better from the left hemisphere, while women tend to process equally well between the two hemispheres.  This explains why men are generally better at spatial and mathematical abilities and can be more task-oriented when they approach problem-solving.  Women are generally more perceptive, more attuned to feelings and are better at communication and more creative.  This explains so well why math and I have never gotten along..ha!

We know what is at the core of what it means to be a man, but what about women?  What is at the core of womanhood?  The first element of the heart of what it means to be a woman is softness.  I’m sure some of you are cringing as you read that word.  Softness has been taught in our culture as a weakness.  Women are supposed to be tough and strong, especially to prove in today’s society we are just as good if not better than men.  However, God created women to be soft and the world’s view of womanhood misses out on the beauty of who women were designed to be.  The second element is forming deep relational bonds.  Women have a natural pull toward relationships and romance because woman was created “for” man to remind us that the church (the Bride) was created “for” Christ Jesus (the Bridegroom).  What I think a lot of women misunderstand is that marriage or a man will satisfy their longing and heart’s desire.  The truth is Jesus Christ is the only one who can ever and will ever satisfy the deepest longings of a woman’s heart.  Both men and women need to realize that there are certain things your spouse cannot fulfill and they will disappoint us at times.  If we look to our spouses for our contentment and fulfillment, we will be disappointed.  Our identity comes from Christ and when that is firmly rooted in Him, we will still be content even when our spouses let us down.  The third element of the heart of what it means to be a woman is to have a receptive and responsive spirit.  Basically ladies what this means is that we need to be leadable and teachable in regards to receiving direction.  The fourth element is to create a place to give and nurture life.  This does not mean you cannot work outside of the home, but we have the amazing ability to give life.  I think our culture has taught us to value work over home life.  Creating an environment in your home that is warm, welcoming and inviting is at the core of being a woman.  It’s about relationships and promoting a setting that cultivates growth physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally.  The last element at the core of being a woman is being a helper.  God created Adam and then saw it was not suitable for him to be alone so God created helpmate for him in Eve.  Women were created to help men glorify God in ways men could not if women did not exist.  Again, we see a picture of Christ and the Church through the creation of man & woman.  Just as woman was created to help man, the church helps Christ bring glory to God.  Together they bear fruit and make new disciples, expanding the family of God.  I love how God uses the visible realm to teach of the greater realities that are unseen!  Mary Cassian & Nancy Leigh Demoss state this so well when they say, ” The purpose of woman helping man isn’t about exalting the man.  It’s really not about him (or her) at all.  She labors and serves alongside him for the same purpose for which he labors and serves.  And what is that?  The glory of God.  Woman helps man achieve the purpose of exalting and displaying the jaw-dropping magnificence of the gospel of Jesus Christ.”

You see, it is not an us (women) versus them (men) mentality.  It is us joined with them to bring glory to the One who created us all.  It takes so much strength to be soft.  The enemy will use any tactic he can to trip us up and believe his lies.  If Satan can get us to doubt God’s goodness, we then feel justified in rejecting God’s will and make our own decisions about what is right and what is wrong.  The truth is God is good and He can be trusted.  His plan is always better than our own.  Ladies, when we embrace our softness and live into God’s design for womanhood, we will see men rise up and embrace their manhood.  This is how God designed it, we are interdependent and we need each other.

I think at the core of what I have learned in this study is the lens in which I filter things through in my life.  In other words, what is my worldview?  Our worldview gives us the interpretation of a problem and then drives our solution.  We need to evaluate our thoughts and ask ourselves is this coming from a Biblical worldview or from a worldly worldview.  Titus 2:2-6 exhorts older women to teach the younger women what it means to be a true woman of God.  We have to be intentional about how we think, how we respond, and how we live and how we are teaching the generations behind us.  I love what German philosopher Heinrich Heine said, “Show me your redeemed life and I might be inclined to believe in your Redeemer.”  That’s the point Paul is making in Titus 2.  We need to be different and display the character of God.  I believe when we are truly living out the roles God has called us to, we will be a light in this dark and broken world.  It is not surprising to me how many people are turned off by Christianity and I believe it is because we are no different than the world we live in.  We are to be salt and light, making the gospel visible to believers and unbelievers alike.  Susan Hunt said, “This battle for Biblical womanhood is nothing new.  It is simply the reclaiming of what always has been and always will be.  But reclaim we must for the glory of our Sovereign King and the advancement of His Kingdom.”

It is my prayer that anyone reading this is challenged in their thinking and if you don’t know what your worldview is then seek to identify it.  Satan is notorious for making cheap things seem valuable and valuable things seem cheap.  If you are interested in learning more about Biblical womanhood, I would highly recommend two studies to you.  The first is what my blog is based on and it is called True Woman 101, Divine Design by Mary Kassian & Nancy Leigh Demoss.  It is an 8 week study and it can be done individually or in a group setting.  Kassian & Demoss have a second study on Biblical womanhood, which I am working through right now.  It is called True Woman 201, Interior Design.  It is a 10 week study and takes you through the character qualities described by Paul in Titus 2!  I am so thankful for these studies because they have had a profound impact on my life and the way I view womanhood.  To Mary Kassian & Nancy Leigh Demoss, thank you!!  Thank you for heeding the call by God to write these studies and to speak truth into the lives of countless women, including mine!

Do you ever have those moments when the Holy Spirit steps on your toes?  Well, I had one of those moments last night as I was preparing the lesson for my small group.  At first I was not sure what God was leading me to share with my girls.  I watched Francis Chan’s message from Passion 2014 and felt the nudging of the Holy Spirit.  This was the message He wanted me to share with my small group.  I had a feeling if He stepped on my toes while I watched and studied His word, then He would do the same for the girls.  I love when God gives you confirmation in what you sense He is leading you to do!  It’s so awesome!!  

Francis Chan spoke on 2 Peter 1:3-9.  I was so challenged through his message.  Here is what the scripture says,“His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.  For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge,  and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness,  and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins.” 

WHOA!!! God did not call us to live mediocre lives.  He called us to his own glory and excellence.  I love this.  It got me thinking how often we as Christians live safe, predictable, mediocre lives.  This is not how God intended us to live.  He calls us to excellence.  For me, I think this looks like living with wreckless abandon and being a light in all the darkness that surrounds us.  Christians should be the most joyful people on the planet, not afraid to step out in faith whatever the cost.  I think we tend to blend in because it’s easy and we don’t have to worry about offending someone.  God has not called us to blend in, but to stand out, to be different.  We are to speak the truth and to do so in love.  Chan broke down this scripture so beautifully.  He described virtue as being morally excellent.  I had never thought of virtue in that light before, but I think it is a fantastic description.  I want to live a morally excellent life, a life pleasing to God.

When Chan began speaking about knowledge and self-control that’s when my toes really began to be stepped on by the Holy Spirit.  Knowledge, I like to think I have quite a bit.  After all, I have a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology.  That has to mean something, right?!  Intellect is not the kind of knowledge, Peter is talking about in this passage of scripture.  He is talking about being a student of the Word.  I have heard people say “I don’t know the Bible” or “I don’t know God very well”.  How can we expect to know Him, if we don’t spend time with Him in His Word.  Chan said if we read the Bible just 10 minutes a day, we could read through the entire Bible in one year!  10 minutes, that’s crazy!  If you think about it, how do you know anything about a friend or a significant other?  Obviously, by spending time with them.  It’s the same with God.  We live in a culture that is so easily distracted.  We might be too tired when we get home from work, just want to watch some tv or even sleep in 15 more minutes.  Something I have learned over the course of my life, we make time for the things we want to make time for.  If we do not make the time to spend with our Father, there will always be something to distract us from knowing Him more fully and deeply.  Remember, 10 minutes a day!  

Self-control is a struggle for everyone.  Chan pointed out how often people blame the Holy Spirit for not doing something.  In essence, we blame the Holy Spirit for our lack of effort.  I wonder what God must think when we ask him to take something away or to take action on something and then we get mad when we don’t see a result.  I feel like God is saying, You are asking me to do this, but what are you doing??  Where is your effort in this?  OUCH!!!  I can think of some times in my life when I have prayed and asked the Holy Spirit for something and then go “Okay, God I’m asking and you are not doing anything.”  I can see Him looking at me saying, “Ashley, what are YOU doing?  I’m here and I’m willing, but what are you willing to do?”  This one may have been the one that hurt the most.  I don’t want to blame the Holy Spirit for my lack of effort.  Faith is not one sided.  God is not a genie in a bottle where we rub the magic lamp and are granted 3 wishes.  It is a relationship that requires effort on our part.  

Chan continued with being steadfast, not giving up.  Sometimes, I want to give up, but God calls me to persevere and to be steadfast.  He is walking alongside me the whole way.  It is so comforting knowing He is always there no matter what.  I loved when Chan talked about Godliness.  He talked about worship in conjunction with Godliness.  The question I posed to my small group tonight was are you a person of worship?  I think we can get caught up in thinking worship is singing songs at church.  Worship is so much more than that, it is a lifestyle. Worship is an expression of your heart through a lifestyle of holiness.  Worship expresses how we view God and where he is on our list of priorities.   I want to be a woman of worship.  I want my life to scream worship and that when people look at me, they see Jesus!  I worship God for who He is and because He loved me first.  Worship is my response to His love for me.  

God guarantees us that if we work on these character qualities listed in 2 Peter 1:5, we will not be ineffective or unfruitful.  If we pursue these things, we will not waste our lives.  Often times we get so nearsighted, focusing on what is right in front of us.  We tend to focus only on what can see.  We need to be looking to the things that are unseen.  Everything we see is transient and temporary.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be so nearsighted that I become blind.  I want to cultivate these character qualities in my life so I can lead the fruitful and effective life God intends for me to live.  Three words that have been rocking my world since last night…..MAKE EVERY EFFORT!  May these words and this passage of scripture be fuel for my fire.  I don’t want to look back on my life only to realize I did not make every effort to develop virtue, knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, Godliness, brotherly affection and love.  I am a partaker of the Divine Nature, which is so stinking cool!  I don’t want to waste my one and only life looking at what is temporary.  Like Elisha, in 2 Kings 6, I am praying God open my eyes to the unseen.  My challenge to small group and now my challenge to all who read this is to Make Every Effort.  I pray for you too that God will open your eyes to see the unseen!  

Just wait.  Two words.  8 letters.  Small in nature, however incredibly powerful!  These two words God has been consistently speaking in my heart and in my life recently.  Two words that are easier said than done.  I believe God is speaking these two small and seemingly insignificant words because He has something for me in this season of my life.  Something so big that when it happens, it will only be explained as God!  Something that happens because of my obedience in just waiting!

Being the naturally curious person I am, I began to think about this word “wait”.  I wanted to look at it, examine and analyze it (pretty sure that’s the counselor in me..ha!). The dictionary definition of wait is to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens; to be available or in readiness; to look forward to eagerly; continue as one is in expectation of.  I loved these definitions of wait.  So often, I have thought of waiting as a bad thing.  It’s been an annoyance or even at times an inconvenience.

While this has helped changed my perspective on waiting.  I still wonder what is it about waiting that is so difficult.  Why do we struggle with this concept of waiting?  It seems to me waiting is difficult because we want instant gratification.  We live in a culture that is consumed with having things happen instantaneously.  Everything is at our fingertips.  We can take a picture and immediately see what it looks like.  Even at Disney World, you can get a fast pass for any ride so you don’t have to wait in the crazy, long lines.  We rarely have to wait for much of anything anymore.  It seems in life now there has to be a faster way to do something, anything so we do not have to wait.

This concept of waiting truly cannot be all that bad.  I think about going to grad. school.  I had to wait 2 1/2 years to get my Master’s degree.  I think if there had been a “fast pass” through that, I would have missed something along the way.  Even after graduating with my Master’s in Counseling Psychology, I still have to wait another 2 years before I can be licensed.  Do I like waiting 2 more years to become a licensed counselor, definitely not.  However, it’s through this time I have opportunities to learn things I might miss otherwise.

At Passion this year, Christine Caine spoke about our calling and destiny in life.  She used the example of when back in the day, we had to wait for our pictures to be developed.  The film had to go through a process in the darkroom.  It was a process that could not be rushed or the film would be ruined.  There was one thing she said in that session that caught my attention and I believe is so in sync with this concept of waiting.  She said, “God develops our destiny in the darkroom and to the degree at which you’re willing to go into the darkroom is to the degree to which you will fulfill the calling and purpose in your life.”  Such an incredibly powerful statement.  I believe it is so true.

God calls each of us into seasons of waiting or the darkroom if you will.  Waiting can be frustrating, scary, annoying and inconvenient.  So why does God allow us to experience seasons like this?  I believe He allows this because it is through those seasons, we realize our deep need for Him.  If we did not ever have to go through a time of waiting or being in the darkroom, we would not fully appreciate what it is He wants to bless us with.  We may never realize our calling and purpose without seasons of waiting.  There is something to be said for delayed gratification.  I know in my own life, when I have to wait for something the reward is so much sweeter.

It always seems that in my seasons of waiting, God lovingly reminds me waiting is so worth it.  Throughout the Bible, there is verse after verse that speaks to waiting on God.  I think God knew we would need reminders about waiting on Him because He knew we would have difficulty at times waiting.

Here are some of my favorite verses about waiting:

Psalm 130:5-6 says, “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.  O Israel, hope in the Lord!  For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption.”

Psalm 33:20-22, “Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.  For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name.  Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.”

Psalm 27:14, “Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”

Psalm 40:1-3, I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry.  he drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry blog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.  He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.”

Psalm 31:24, “Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord.”

Lamentations 3:25-26, “The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.  It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”

Isaiah 30:18, “Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.  For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.”

Isaiah 40:31, “but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

Waiting produces character in us.  God allows us to experience seasons of waiting because He is either preparing us for something or wanting to produce something in us.  We may not know what it is we are waiting for, but we can rest in knowing that God’s plan and timing are perfect.  He longs to redeem our story.  We just have to be willing to go into the darkroom and allow God to complete His process in us.  There is always a purpose behind the waiting.  We are called to be obedient and just wait on God’s timing! I have no idea why God is telling me to just wait, but I am hope-filled and expectant for what He is going to do in me and for me!

I recently finished a book entitled Get Lost by Dannah Gresh.  My mom gave me the book and I thought it was an intriguing title.  To be honest, I  was a little skeptical of it at first.  Well, I was in for quite a surprise.  I had no idea what God had in store for me while reading this book.  The journey he took me on was one I will look back on as a pivotal moment in my life.  I want to share a little about the book itself as well as what the Lord taught me on this journey of getting lost in Him.

Getting lost can have so many meanings.  Usually when I hear this phrase, I think of not being able to find a destination or maybe even a harsh way of telling someone to go away or leave you alone.  Getting lost is not usually a fun experience and can at times even be frightening.  What does it really mean to get lost and what does it mean to get lost in God?  According to the dictionary, get lost is an idiom and means to absent oneself; to get over yourself.  As I began to dive further into this book, Dannah challenges you to get lost in God.  As women, we face what she calls a “violent craving”.  This is a deep-rooted reality, we so often confuse our longing for God’s love with our longing for a guy’s love.  The craving is part of the curse. After Adam and Eve sinned, God spoke to Eve saying in Genesis 3:16b, “Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you.”  God was describing what women would face after the fall in relation to men, we hunger for them.  We all experience this in several different ways.  The craving itself is not bad, it becomes bad when we place our longing for a guy’s love above our desire and longing for God’s love.  When we chase after guy after guy and that becomes more important than God, this is when it is a problem.  Dannah says, “If you do not understand the purpose of your desire for a man, you’ll suffer through the Craving so poorly that you may create caricatures or graffiti-covered brick walls that separate you from God, rather than a masterpiece so translucent that the world can clearly see Him through it.”  The purpose of marriage is to be a beautiful picture of Christ and the church and His love for us.  Marriage should be lived out in such a way that it points people directly to Christ.  Sadly, in our self-centered culture, we have made marriage about what have you done for me lately?  When we aren’t getting what we want out of marriage, we can so easily get out of it.  Marriage is about dying to yourself and sacrificial love.

I’m sure you have heard this quote before, “a girl should be so lost in God that a guy has to seek Him to find her.”  This is the entire premise of Dannah’s book.  She challenges her readers to go on a 10 day or 10 week fast from dating in order to help facilitate getting lost in God.  So being the woman I am, I like a challenge and opted for the 10 week fast.  Like I said in the beginning, I had no idea what I was about to embark on over those 10 weeks, however God knew.  I will say in the beginning, I actually thought this would be so easy.  I was still healing from some emotional wounds of yet another failed relationship and figured fasting from dating for 10 weeks would be a breeze.  Well, I was wrong, so very wrong.  It was so much more challenging than I expected.  At first, I was excited for the fast, but didn’t take it too seriously.  At about week 4, I was run over by what felt like a semi-truck.  It was at this point, God was getting my attention and it was something I could no longer ignore.  Through messages at church, prayer and accountability from my small group, I decided it was time to truly take this fast seriously. I am so very thankful I did not ignore the tugging on my heart strings.

I went through what Dannah called a “Love Feast.”  There were 10, one for each week.  So I mentioned week 4 being my “ah-ha” moment.  That week’s love feast wrecked me completely.  It came through a simple, yet beautiful love letter from my God.  He says in Isaiah 43:1-4a, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will be not burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior….since you are precious and honored in my sight…I love you.”  God is so amazing.  It was during my fast, as a church we were going through the book of Ruth.  My favorite book of the Bible.  The story of Ruth is a story of redemption and it’s a beautiful story.  God kept lovingly reminding me that He longs to redeem me and my story.  Week 4, what a week!  My Pastor, Don Cousins, shared something during that week that spoke to my heart.  He said “God’s heart is to bring hope where there is hopelessness, victory where there is most certain defeat and to redeem that which is lost and broken.”  

You may or may not know my story, but over the last 5 years it has been a story of heartbreak, loss, disappointment, defeat, hopelessness and complete brokenness.   Two broken engagements with the most recent one occurring in September 2012.  At times, I felt like Naomi; feeling like God had dealt bitterly with me.  I did not understand why this happened to me not only once, but twice.  Even though I didn’t understand, I leaned in hard and fast to the only one who knew the pain I was experiencing and who so lovingly never abandoned me.  In typical female fashion, I asked all the questions of what was wrong with me, what did I do wrong?  After a time of grieving, through the help of my counselor, I was able to work through the questions and the doubts.  I reflected on my own heart and realized I was living out of the shame of my past.  I believed every lie Satan whispered to me.  Satan constantly told me I was not good enough and that no good, Godly man would ever want me.  Since I believed him, I continued to pick the wrong guys.  My friend Jessica told me “my picker” was broken.  Can you say understatement? I wanted to get married so badly, I was willing to sacrifice things that were important to me in order to get what I wanted.  Getting married had become so much more important to me than my relationship with Christ.  Now having the beauty of hindsight, I recognize God rescued me from two marriages that were not meant for me.  Oh, how thankful I am for His favor over my life.  Even though God had taken a backseat to getting married, in his great mercy, He rescued me, not once, but TWICE!!!   What a humbling experience!  So thankful!

So I’m sure you are thinking, is there a point to all of this?  And there most certainly is….here’s what I learned in my 10 week fast.

Lesson 1 ~ Jesus is enough and God is sovereign.  Psalm 46:10 , “Be still and know that I am God.”

Lesson 2 ~ Jesus longs to be my Kinsman redeemer and redeem my story. Isaiah 43:1-4a (see above) Ruth 4: 14 “Then the women said to Naomi, ‘Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel.”

Lesson 3 ~ Contentment begins with surrender.  I will not be happy as a married woman, if I am not happy with the woman I am right now.  I will not be happy as the woman I am right now if I have not completely surrendered everything to Christ.  1 Corinthians 7: 17 (MSG), “Don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else…Live and obey and love and believe right where you are.  God, not your marital status, defines your life.”

Lesson 4 ~ My love relationship with Christ is the ultimate and most important thing in my life.  Henry  Blackaby says it perfectly, “Everything in your Christian life, everything about knowing and experiencing God, everything about knowing His will depends on the quality of your love relationship with Him.”

Since my fast has ended, I am holding onto these 4 key lessons.  I am believing God for exceedingly, abundantly more (Ephesians 3:20).  I did not do the fast in the hopes at the end, God would say here is your husband.  My goal was to get lost in who God is and to allow him to lavish his love upon me.  I have no idea who or what He has in store for me, but I know it will far exceed anything I could have ever dreamt of for myself.  My “picker” has been fixed, glory, hallelujah!!  Dannah ends the book with what a guy lost in God looks like and what a girl lost in God looks like.  She gave 5 qualifying questions as a measuring tool for potential mates and 5 accountability questions for yourself.

Qualifying Question #1 ~ Is he a believer?

He will love you the way Christ loves the Church.

Qualifying Question #2 ~ Is he willing to inconvenience himself for you? 

He gives himself up for you.

Qualifying Question #3 ~ Does he know the Word of God?

He is able to clean your heart with the Word of God.

Qualifying Question #4 ~ Does he protect your purity?

He presents you to the Lord without a spot or stain.

Qualifying Question #5 ~ Does he know how to work?

He is able to feed and care for you.

Accountability Question #1 ~ Do you have an older woman in your life teaching you about love? 

You’ll be in training to become his best friend.

Accountability Question #2 ~ Are you accountable to live in purity?

You are growing in self-control and purity.

Accountability Question #3 ~ Are you willing to be busy at home?

You’ll be busy working at home.

Accountability Question # 4 ~ Are you embracing submission?

You’ll practice being kind and submissive.

Accountability Question # 5 ~ Are you living in such a way that others want to join the feast?

You’ll be inviting others to the feast.

So my question to you would be this, are you lost in God or are you lost in the pursuit of the things of this world whether it be material things or relationships?  I would highly recommend Dannah Gresh’s book, Get Lost.  I can guarantee if you take it seriously and allow God to minister to your heart, getting lost in Him will be the most rewarding experience of your life.  It is my prayer that God will in some way use my story to help others who have fallen prey to the violent craving.  I will close with my verse for 2014, it comes from Isaiah 43:19, “Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” 

We have all experienced disappointment in our lives at one point or another.  Maybe you are currently experiencing disappointment.  Do you ever find yourself asking why me, why now?  Or if I could only catch a break?  These are all common things we say in the midst of disappointment.  I wonder how well we handle disappointment.  Are we quick to complain and lament our current circumstances?  Do we blame God for the disappointments we face or even other people?

Recently, I have been challenged by my pastor to look at disappointment in a new way.  It is so easy to be overwhelmed and discouraged when we face disappointment.  I began looking up what God had to say about disappointment, trials and suffering.  In Romans 5:3-5, Paul tells us, “not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”  This seems like such a foreign concept. I do not know many people who rejoice in their sufferings or disappointments.  It is so much easier to complain and be upset about disappointments and suffering than it is to rejoice.  Paul tells what we gain though by doing this; we produce endurance, character and hope.  James 1:2-4 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

If we allow God to use our disappointments and make them His Appointments, we have so much to gain.  I love the story of Joseph because I believe it illustrates a beautiful picture of disappointment turned into God’s appointment.  In Genesis 50:20 Joseph said to his brothers, you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done.  I have learned the key to our disappointments is to pray hard and wait patiently.  I believe Joseph did both of those.  He did not understand his circumstances, but he trusted in God.

I know in my own life there have been so many disappointments, so many times I have asked why and simply not understood.  If I’m being honest, I definitely was not rejoicing, praying hard or waiting patiently in those times.  I have come to know and believe that God does His best work when we are at our most broken.  He will work everything for our good and His glory.  I came across a quote by Eliza Tabor the other day.  She said, “Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.”  I think this describes disappointment so well.  It absolutely does not feel good when we experience it, but I do believe it makes us stronger.  Sometimes we have to experience the fire in order to be molded and shaped into something beautiful.  God will never waste a hurt and there is always a purpose behind it.  I am so thankful to be loved by a God who will not leave me where I am and allows me to experience trials and suffering because of what it will produce inside of me.